Well, dropped off the oldest this past week for college. My husband and I are reflecting about the "feeling" we have. It is an overstatement to say this feeling is akin to losing someone to death, but it seems a close second. Now, I know that may seem over dramatic, but it definately is a loss. I said that it feels like I lost something very valuable (sentimental and familiar) and I will never have it back- but it does still exist somewhere. My husband said that he agreed with me, but for him it feels like the thing lost is just somewhere in the house and he just cannot find it. Last night, I started to ask when was my daughter getting home from work. It is just that this is all new.
Again, we dropped off my daughter this past wkk for college and she did not even turn around to wave as we left. For her, this is all new. She has a new beginning and life to live, it's just us parents and sibling left with this "feeling." Ahh, but does it have to hurt? She is blissfully unaware that we feel anything (OK, I admit I cried in front of her a week ago). Our lives stop to her- I remember what this was like when I went away. It is all just so new.
I guess all new moments have to change us someway. They have to change us from one emotion to another in order for us to realize something is different. If we are happy and peacefully content, we will not know we are like that until something rocks the boat. It is similarly like that. We were enjoying it all, until this shift- and the sadness seems to highlight the past 18 years of joy. Not that parenting this child is all done, but that it is just so new.
I am thankful for the opportunity to watch a child leave on healthy terms and wait in anticipation for the woman she will become, but for now, its all so new, and it hurts a bit.
2 comments:
Oh I remember feeling it for about ten minutes after E left for her apartment with one of our cats in her arms. Funny, but I think I cried about missing the cat, and didn't let myself be sad about E. Then eighteen days later four little tornadoes showed up on my doorstep, and there was no looking back. I don't recommend it to achieve a healthy grieving process and eventual adjustment...but it sure does take your mind off of it pretty well.
My heart's really heavy as I'm reading this. Eyes are tearing up, too. How strong love is. (Wish I had that same reassurance that God's love is intensely strong for me)
Bless you all as you adjust.
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